I wouldn’t beg for water…

Pride is a deadly sin.

…..I know, but there are times when even patient and forgiving people like me have to stick with it,even if we don’t really want to. Because there are moments when I feel that nothing is left for me…just my pride and dignity.

I love my parents very much. Although I grew up without  them by my side, i really love, respect, and honor them. I have tried my very best in order to understand why I have to do all things by myself….17 years all alone by myself….but it’s okay because I love them, and that will never change. The only problem is that they can’t understand me, they can’t accept what kind of daughter had been created out from their absence. they can’t understand that I am an independent soul who needs freedom and trust. And it seems to me that they don’t know me well that’s why they really don’t know what to do with me. And last week we argued about that again and again…..and this time, I have decide that I wouldn’t be the one to get down on my knees….

But I really love my parents. That is why after a few days of not communicating with them, I talk to them and forced myself to swallow my pride and gave them another chance to make this family a family again.

I love my parents. I’d give up everything for them including the only thing that’s left for me,…my pride.

I wouldn’t beg for water even if my soul is on fire….but I’d get down on my knees for them.

the irony of life

You can’t have all the things that you want in this life. There are times when I have to try my very best to have those things only to find myself drained, disappointed and broken. Just like what I go through everytime I try to find my way back into you…., I just fall and drown in the painful truth that you’ll never be back again.

It is just so ironic that you’re already gone before I became selfless and careless of what might happen if I trust you with my life….It’s no use cause you had already left me….and it hurts to know that i got only myself to blame for how we fell apart…..

And now when I am ready to lose myself,……..you had already lost me..

i’m tenaci0us

as the word tenacious implies, many people believe that I am tough, strong and courageous enough to keep on holding on things that I believe should stay together.They had known me to be a girl who can fight and survive all the obstacles in life without fears, doubts and hesitations. Nobody cares to help me because they believe I can. They had made me think that I was strong enough to live by myself, tough enough to face all my struggles alone and big enough to survive all my heartaches, frustrations and failures…..but I guess they were wrong….I guess I was wrong…because behind this strong, dominating girl is a helpless, weak and sobbing soul who doesn’t know how to stop her heart from bleeding. I’m broken and impaired, but because nobody wants to take care of me, I’ve got no choice but to continue even if I am hurting and it’s toring me apart to face the truth that nobody dares to help…. because nobody cares for me at all.